We are gathered here today to celebrate a quite unfortunate occurrence. Of course, funerals are never happy occasions; however, we must keep in mind the wonderful life the deceased has led, and wish them much happiness in their next life.

Jeeves the butler was a dutiful, loyal, and hardworking servant to millions of people daily. And, despite the flaws of his search, we never failed to smile at Jeeves's occasional wardrobe changes.
 

Alas, we will never see the butler with a groundhog again, because, unfortunately, the butler has moved on- not to another job, but, to the afterlife.

How did this abrupt ending come to Jeeves's life? The butler had not heart trouble; not history of cancer in his family. So why did he die?

I see, some of you shaking your heads, mouthing the words, he didn't. However, ladies and gentlemen, there are two kinds of bad people: people who do bad stuff, and people who observe bad stuff happening and don't do anything about it. We are not here today to be the latter; therefore, we feel it is our duty to announce the C.O.D., and hope the authorities take action.

As you all know, Jeeves was always a happy fellow. Answering any question, no matter how inquisitive, challenging, vulgar, or stupid, he did so without any objection. So, I ask you, how could we blame him for asking his creators for a bit extra?

As Larry, the Lycos dog,  tells it, Jeeves simply asked for a vertical flip. Not an unreasonable request, for someone who had his own parade float. After all, he had been facing the same direction for years; it's the least he could ask is to let his neck stretch.

But, the selfish and uncaring people at Ask. Inc. did not comply to Jeeves's lowly request. Instead, they decided that, instead of allow a dutiful servant a small favor, to remove him permanently.

However, they could not simply hit he delete button.

No, the executives were not caring enough to give Jeeves a painless disappearance. Instead, they hired hitmen secretly from their arch enemy Google, planning to blame it on an attempt by Google to eliminate the competition. (Mamma  is said to have heard a gunshot.

We only humbly hope the Butler's remains are handled in care; and, the executives at Ask, Inc. discontinue feeding their cover story of retirement to the masses, and simply admit their wrongdoing.

Pay your last respects for the butler below.